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Couple celebrates adoption with spaghetti dinner
Event to raise money for expenses.
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Jason Malmont/The Sentinel Leia Starner, 2, gets a big smooch from her grandma, Debbie Miller, on Friday.
In just a few weeks, Helen and Mike Starner will have three children under age 3. The latest baby is due any day now, but the Starners haven’t had much time to prepare — they’ve only known about the pregnancy since February.
The West Pennsboro Township couple has two biological children and one adopted child. The birth mother of their youngest daughter contacted them in February to tell them she was pregnant again and that she wanted them to take the baby. If they didn’t, she said, she intended to have an abortion.
The Starners felt they had no choice but to accept the child.
“My husband and I figured it’s the right thing to do,” Helen Starner said. “We could not find it in our hearts to say no, since it will be our daughter’s brother.”
They know child will be a boy – they’ll name him Luke – and that he will be addicted to methadone and other drugs. They don’t know when he’ll be born, because doctors aren’t certain of a due date.
They also don’t know how addicted to drugs he will be, so they don’t know how long he will have to be in the hospital after birth.
The Starners already have a crib and many of the items needed to care for a newborn. What they don’t have, however, is the money needed to pay for legal fees associated with the private adoption.
“Normally, people who adopt have time to save up money,” Starner said. “We weren’t planning on having any more children. We didn’t want any more, but we couldn’t say no.”
Starner said this is a different situation than when they adopted their daughter.
“With our first adoption, we had saved our money and had no issues,” Starner said. “ However, this one was unexpected.”
Costs quickly grow
The birth mother didn’t ask for money, Starner said.
In fact, it would be illegal to pay money for the child. The Starners will participate in a private adoption, which includes a background check on the couple, a home study, court hearings and lots of paperwork, according to their attorney, Doug Miller of Irwin and McKnight.
A private adoption can range from $2,000 to $5,000 and up.
“Each situation is different,” Miller explained.
As for medical expenses, Starner said she expects labor and delivery costs will be covered by the birth mother’s insurance and she hopes the baby’s expenses will be covered beyond the $3,000 insurance deductible, since it cost approximately $200,000 to detox the couple’s first adopted child.
Already, the couple has faced unplanned expenses relating to the adoption. The birth mother is in western Pennsylvania and the couple has attended a few doctor appointments with her.
“We were only really out there one day and it cost about $250 for turnpike tolls and gas plus a hotel,” Starner said.
The couple plans at least one more trip during the pregnancy and will return for the birth.
Starner said she also plans to stay after the baby’s birth for as long as he is in the hospital, which means she will have to take a leave of absence from her job.
“We’re going to lose my income temporarily,” she said.
Helen, 27, currently works from home as a call center manager and a virtual assistant. Mike, 37, works for Exel Logistics.
A plan
Faced with unexpected costs, the Starners decided to host a spaghetti dinner to raise money. They invited family and friends to participate.
“I love having lots of people together and have fun,” Starner said.
The event will be from 6 to 8:30 p.m. today at the Big Spring Community Center in Newville.
Originally, the plan was to ask for in-kind donations, but Starner said she quickly realized she had to buy the spaghetti and other items for the dinner and couldn’t afford to lose money on the meal, so they set the ticket price at $12 per couple or $9.50 per person, hoping to make between $3 and $5 profit per ticket.
Next, Starner contacted area businesses asking for donations of gift certificates and door prizes and decided to open the event to the public.
“It’s like a baby shower,” Starner explained. “If it wasn’t for us saying ‘yes,’ he wouldn’t be coming into the world.”
The Starners have no dollar goal for the dinner.
“I honestly don’t care how much we raise,” Starner said, adding she’s grateful for any support that comes in. “We couldn’t do it without (those who donate). Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
Baby makes four
When Luke comes home, he will join two sisters and a brother. The Starners’ oldest daughter is 5 years old and they also have a 2-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son.
“I’m going to have to buy a lot more diapers,” Starner said. The two smaller children already use two boxes each week.
With three children under age 3 and the prospect of breaking the addiction of their youngest, the Starners know it won’t be easy.
But Starner says she’s up for the challenge.
“It’s gonna be a challenge for the first few months,” she said. “But it will be happy.”
