TodayWe have all made mistakes once in our lives
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I made a lot of stupid decisions as a teenager.
I cheated on a trigonometry test. I lost the keys to my mom’s car on a ski slope in West Virginia … when I was supposed to be with friends in Pennsylvania. I threw caramel in my sister’s hair, which she still hasn’t forgiven me for.
And those are merely the ones I’m willing to admit to in print.
So I don’t envy Jamie Lynn Spears or, more recently, Miley Cyrus, whose teenage indiscretions have become fodder for the nightly news. These teens are “role models” for millions of young girls, despite the fact that they’re barely more than girls themselves.
Spears, of course, got pregnant at age 16, leading Nickelodeon to run a special on teen sex when the final season of her hugely successful series “Zoey 101” premiered earlier this year.
Cyrus, in case you’ve been hiding in an internet-free hole this week, posed for some racy pictures that appear in the new edition of Vanity Fair. We’re not talking Playboy poses here, but photos of a topless 15-year-old only half-covered by a bed sheet certain seem inappropriate, especially when that 15-year-old is the cornerstone of one of family-friendly Disney’s biggest franchises.
Spears and Cyrus appear on the two top-rated TV shows among tween girls, those ages 9-14. Everyone knows those are delicate, peer pressure-filled times, and the worry is that when girls see their idols in sexually aggressive poses or situations, they’ll begin to imitate them.
While that’s certainly a legitimate concern, perhaps parents should instead be thanking Spears and Cyrus for messing up. Their situations present a perfect opportunity to talk to kids about decision-making and the sort of life-altering effects their decisions can have.
Before the outcry over the pictures began, Cyrus admitted she was uncertain about posing in such a provocative manner. But Annie Leibovitz, the famed photographer who took the pictures, cajoled her into doing it despite her discomfort.
Put aside the fact that as an adult, Leibovitz should know better. That’s a classic instance of the sort of pressure that leads kids to make bad decisions regarding drugs or sex.
Parents can use that point to illustrate how it actually is OK to say no. If Cyrus had resisted Leibovitz’s suggestion, she would not have endured the ensuing fallout over the photos.
Already many are criticizing Cyrus’ and Spears’ parents for their apparent lack of oversight in these situations. But before we point fingers, maybe we should look at ourselves. Is it really right for us, as parents, to allow these girls who we don’t really know to become role models for our kids?
My husband and I have talked about this “role model” issue for years. We bristle when people criticize sports stars for not being proper role models. We’re not sure it’s their job.
Idol worship is one thing, but shouldn’t role models be people we know and trust, who can do more than just shoot a basketball well? Isn’t it up to us to ensure that our child chooses the right role model, emulating a person whose values and ideas we can vouch for?
What’s become clear from the Cyrus and Spears scandals is that we don’t really know much about the celebrities we slobber over, as if (post-Britney Spears) we needed another reminder.
I’m sure it’s much harder to make good choices while growing up in the tabloids. These two teens have a lot more than just their parents watching them; they sustain valuable franchises for major cable networks that probably have a say in when they eat, sleep and wash their hair.
Does it surprise me when these kids step out of line, so to speak? Not really. What’s important is that less-famous kids can perhaps learn from their missteps and maybe find someone else to model themselves after. Someone they can actually talk with, who will return their love and affection.
