By Heather Stauffer, Sentinel Reporter, May 1, 2008

Last updated: Thursday, May 1, 2008 3:46 PM EDT

Obviously my long-held notion that bank robbery is the iconic crime — the one people spend time figuring out how to commit — is in error: Here the misdeed of choice is stealing televisions.

Yes, televisions. And not little ones.

Over the past months I have seen a number of reports detailing the theft of these coveted objects. They’re stealing them from stores, and almost never singly: Two big-screens at a time is de rigeur, and if my memory serves me correctly, once four or five were discovered, still boxed, in a nearby woods.

Each time I receive yet another of these reports I scratch my metaphorical head in genuine bewilderment. Yes, I understand that these are costly items many people want very badly. But let’s face it: If I were to break into your home, the crown jewel of your entertainment center wouldn’t go in my burglar’s bag, if only because it wouldn’t fit.

These babies are as big as they are beautiful, and unwieldy to boot. Only Hercules could grab one and dash off, and even he could not be graceful doing it.

That being the case, how do these crooks spirit the big-screens out of establishments filled with people who are on the lookout for just such thefts? For one thing, how many people legitimately purchase two huge televisions at the same time? (With as big as they are now, could two even fit in a cart? Could one?)

Are they speedsters, dropping a few televisions in the cart and then barreling for the door, knocking over the odd grandmother on the way?

Or is sheer chutzpah enough to obscure the bulk of these items as the thieves thread their way through the maze of cash registers en route to the outside world and ill-begotten sitcoms and football games?

Whatever the case, I take comfort in the fact that television theft is, apparently, easier attempted than accomplished. The majority of these reports indicate that the person was stopped and the television recovered.

Unfortunately, though, that doesn’t seem to be enough to keep them from trying. So the next time you see someone with two televisions in a cart, it might not be a bad idea to let someone know.

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Unnewsworthy but interesting police reports of the week

• A 23-year-old man was arrested for disorderly conduct and public drunkenness after a police officer on patrol saw him hanging out the window of a moving car urinating.

• A 21-year-old man chased a 24-year-old man “in an attempt to beat him up. The victim was able to out run the accused and police arrived on-scene before a physical altercation occurred.”

• A 52-year-old woman was arrested for having a small amount of marijuana and drug paraphernalia in her purse while entering Camp Hill Prison.

• A New York man who was riding a bus to Pittsburgh was booted in Cumberland County “when under the influence of alcohol” he “engaged in behavior that was offensive to others and the bus driver.” He was housed at Cumberland County Prison “until travel arrangements could be made.”

• “The actor dented the victim’s hood and smashed the victim’s windshield from possibly falling on the car while on top of the hood.”

• Police cited a 32-year-old man after being called to a report of an altercation between him and his 27-year-old female roommate. The subject: Mutual household bills.

• Police responded to a crash at an intersection with a four-way stop and were met by two drivers. “Both indicated that the other ran the stop sign,” police said. “Both said that they, themselves, stopped.” The damage would be consistent with either story, police said, so neither was cited.

• Three cars were damaged in a chain-reaction crash after a Maryland driver halted on the road based on a mistaken belief that a member of the fire police wanted him to stop.