TodayThe Bear necessity for kids
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His name is Bear – just Bear. He’s been with my son since the day he was born, first sitting on the rocking chair in his room, later in his crib, and now just about everywhere Eli goes.
At the park, if Eli’s scared to go down the slide, Bear will often go down before him, landing face-first in the dirt. When Eli’s feeling feisty, Bear will sometimes take flight down the stairs or over the master bedroom landing, prompting our 3-year-old’s familiar lament: “Oh, Bear has a headache.”
Bear doesn’t eat. We’ve asked, but every time Eli insists, “Bear no have a mouth.” (It’s true; though he was born with one, that delicate piece of yarn has long since fallen off.) As far as I know, Eli has never spent one night without Bear nearby, although I’m sure eventually we’ll accidentally forget him at one grandparent’s house or the other.
It seems just about every kid has a Bear, even if they’re not named Bear. My cousin had a Puffy (remember Puffalumps?), one of my best friends had a beat-up stuffed lamb, and I had a three-fingered doll named Casey. Only my little sister, with her razor-sharp teeth and taste for vinyl, knows the location of those other fingers.
As I frantically threw one foul-smelling Bear in the washer the other day, hoping he’d be cleaned before Eli realized he was gone, I began to wonder just why kids become so reliant on their toys. Why teddy bears, in particular, and will they grow out of it? Is developing such an attachment healthy?
Absolutely, says Dan Baumgardner – in fact, it can even be therapeutic. He should know; Baumgardner is the manager for Boyds Bear Factory, the ginormous bear store in Gettysburg that caters to both kids and collectors.
Baumgardner believes that bears have a nurturing quality that makes them invaluable for children.
“A lot of times bears, in my opinion, make a connection with kids,” he says. “They may have a traumatic experience in life or go through hard times. I’ve talked to a lot of them who said, ‘A bear helped me get through tough times.’”
That may be why, where disasters strike, teddy bears are quick to follow. After the Sept. 11 attacks, thousands of teddy bears were sent to New York City to comfort the young victims of the attacks.
Bev White, a teddy bear artist who lives outside Philadelphia, says she has led bear-making workshops at a children’s hospital.
“Sitting there in the playroom after everybody was all busy working on the bears, I was just sitting there looking over the group that was working there, and it truly brought tears to my eyes,” says the former nurse.
Of course, these connections can’t be forced. You can no more choose the color of a child’s eyes than direct which plaything will command their undying and unwavering devotion.
Bear certainly had a lot of competition at our house. Full disclosure – I do some writing for a magazine called Teddy Bear & Friends, and the people associated with the publication who knew I was pregnant proved very generous. Baby Eli had enough teddy bears to fill Noah’s Ark.
And yet, my husband and I noted a bit smugly, our son latched on to the only stuffed animal that we had picked out ourselves, from among the many supplied by friends and family.
Perhaps Bear and Eli were meant to be. Perhaps he could feel the parental love emanating from it. Or maybe Bear just tasted better than the other teddies (like chicken, so I’ve heard).
Whatever the reason, I am thankful that Eli has a friend as loyal and devoted as Bear. When I watch them cuddle on the couch or march through the grocery store together, I can’t help but think that in a few years, Bear will be but an afterthought of Eli’s baby and preschool years.
Whenever that time comes, I imagine I’ll be the one grabbing Bear for a cuddle.
Toni Fitzgerald is the mother of one. She welcomes questions for future parenting columns about kids, families and staying sane in the presence of both. You can contact her at tonifitz@yahoo.com
